Historically, school has been an institution of torture for Cassie. Her formal education began at age 4 when she was enrolled in a pre-primary impaired (PPI) classroom in a nearby town. Thus began her days of coming home 'mad as a hornet'. We figured she held it in the best she could all day, but when she hit that door, all bets were off and she unleashed the fury, or rather, frustration she felt at being placed in a world she didn't understand.
I never received phone calls from school about her behavior, she was 'fine' and early on, teachers may have sensed immaturity, but nothing majorly concerning. (She always had an IEP, so special ed was a constant.) By the time she was finishing the 3rd grade, the teacher explained she would be 'placed' in the 4th grade. Further explanation revealed that 'placement' meant she hadn't met the criteria necessary for passing the 3rd grade, but would be moved up regardless. The current thinking is that 'holding back' kids is not beneficial from a emotional and social standpoint, which I tend to agree with. Everyone is familiar with a cartoon image of an overgrown kid sitting at a too small desk amidst little kids who are invariably laughing at him. No one wants their child to be that laughingstock, least of all me. But the fact that your child isn't passing grades is a hard pill to swallow, nonetheless.
Not sure where her education was really going, if she was learning, or how to help her, school rolled on. 5th grade was even what I'd call successful as she had a bright young teacher who engaged her and I believe she made some advances that year. Middle school followed, which proved disastrous. The IEP (Individualized Education Program) which seemed inadequate up to that point, fell apart when budget cuts led to special ed teachers integrating in the regular classroom in what is called 'push in' support(get it, opposite of 'pull out?'). Hesitant about how this was working, I spent a day at school with Cassie. What I saw was a kid who had no clue as to what was going on around her, who quietly sat where she was told to sit and moved from class to class and took absolutely nothing away from the classroom but the further conviction that she was not a part of it. Because she wasn't the squeaky wheel, she was being left to sit in her own world, which was crumbling, day after day.
Don't read me wrong...I DON'T blame the school. Public schools are so overburdened with too few resources and ever increasing needs of students. It is a parent's job to seek out, to the best of their ability, the necessary support for their child. It's my job to research, read, reach out, counsel with professionals, do whatever is needed to help her, myself and others who are trying to help her. But none of us, I least of all, knew what to do, where to turn, in which direction to go. I'd tried for years without satisfaction to find someone who could define the problems at hand because without that, how do you begin to help?
Along the way, we had the pleasure of working with some remarkable individuals. A Special Ed teacher in elementary school really clicked with Cassie and got through to her. The school Social Worker in middle school was our main source of support during that difficult time. She was amazing and went so far above and beyond the parameters of her job that I can't express my full appreciation for her. To run across an angel like her from time to time gives one HOPE, something that can seem in short supply when you have a special needs kid.
Middle school started the really bad cycle of refusal to go to school. The really, really bad days I'll leave for another day, another post.
This morning, Cassie could hardly wait to get to school. She was so excited about her new Hello Kitty hair ribbons and the fact that she'd lost 3 pounds (weight gain, I'll have to write about that) and seeing her friends (she has friends!) that she waited for the bus on the front porch by herself and left when the bus arrived without a backward glance. I never thought it would be so easy and I've rarely been more grateful for anything else. Her IEP team reconvenes this month and Gary and I will don our battle armor once again to fight the good fight so that Cassie can keep having good days.
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