Obsessions

Part of what makes Cassie special is her single-mindedness when it comes to likes and dislikes.  I don't think she knows how it feels to be ambivalent, on the fence, or undecided about things that are important to her.  You'll NEVER have to guess, for instance, about her feelings toward Hannah Montana, a.k.a. Miley Cyrus. HATES HER, absolutely, unequivocally, abhors every atom of her being.  There was a time, not long ago, when she truly wanted to KILL her.  Now, that, of course, is the illness talking and she has no actual means of killing Miley Cyrus, but that's how strongly she detests a celebrity, someone she's never met.  When we first started down the road of hospital-worthy psychosis, Cassie had a list of 'enemies'; mostly popular girls she hated, and their voices would get inside her head sometimes.  She did have a go around with a few girls at school who had singled her out to some extent, so her feelings weren't completely unfounded, but the depth of her hatred toward certain people and things  can be very extreme.

On the other side of that coin, however, is intense love and joy derived from her latest obsession, which usually varies from year to year.  When she was younger, there was never any doubt about what to get her for Christmas, whether it be My Little Pony huge behemoth plastic playsets complete with tinny music and flashing lights, or more Barbie crap or Littlest Pet Shop, or Webkins #4,968.

Later, she moved on to video games and music.  We LOVE American Idol and a few years ago David Archuleta became the center of Cassie's existence.  Now, my husband will argue with me on this, but I swear she literally thought she was going to marry this kid.  She was 12 and he was 16 or 17.  He, like us, is a Mormon, he seemed super nice, and he sang like an angel...what else did she need to know?  Little by little, the shine wore off as she discovered that he didn't plan on going on a mission and the final blow came when I told her it was actually ILLEGAL for him to marry her.  So, last year she moved on to Adam Lambert.  Yes, he's gay, but that doesn't deter her one bit and now she intends to marry him; she'll simply 'change him'.  The fact that he's 28 and she's 14 doesn't bother her, either. 

I try to point out the unlikelihood of these goals coming to fruition, but it doesn't do one bit of good to argue with her and eventually the illogic of her plans dawn on her and she moves on to the next thing.  Plus she gets REALLY mad when anyone tries to get between her and 'her dreams'. So we do what we always do when Cassie is dreaming the impossible dream...glaze over and noncommittally nod our heads.

The main focus right now is anime.  If you don't know, anime is Japanese cartoons.  When I was growing up, we just thought these cartoons were cheesy and cheap (Speed Racer?!), now they're all the rage, at least in my house.  For Halloween, after angsting over her choice for months,  she dressed up as some anime character that looks like a samuri, but is really a 'soul reaper'.  It's called 'shinagame' or something like that.  Everyone was supposed to know this.

Oh, and DOGS.  Dogs have been an obsession for about 3 years now, which is somewhat of a record.  This summer she got another dog to add to the one we already have.  So there's Luna, the mutt, a 12 pound terrier and WYD (who's your daddy) mix, she's the new one, a rescue from an Amish puppy mill (?!)  Then, there's 8 year old Broc, a Kerry Blue Terrier...he's very regal, a former show dog; grand champion and all that.  The whole show dog thing was NOT my idea and let me tell you, purebred show dogs eat and poop the same way mutts do. She LOVES them, they are her BABIES.  And she insists I am their grandma (gag).

But the cool thing about Cassie's obsessions is that they become part of her identity, which sounds normal, and is to a degree.  Her screen names change from doglover to animelover to ilovedavidarchuleta according to her focus.  When nothing, it seemed, could give her joy, we could, with great effort, draw her out with something she had formerly loved.  Gary, my husband, would bring his laptop to the hospital and we'd go on youtube and watch puppies doing silly things like 'saying' i love you or jumping rope or some other improbable undoglike thing.  Now that she's doing better, it's so much easier to relate to her by tuning in to the activities she likes.  Her formerly narrow interests have broadened to include singing in choir and swimming and cooking.  She amazes me with potential I didn't know she had.  And when Cassie is happy and doing something she loves, she hugs herself and joy just seeps out of her and onto you.  More than anything, though, she loves me with every fiber of her being, and I love her back in my inferior way.