I was having a nice phone conversation with my son Gary when Cassie started calling and I had to hang up. By way of explanation, here's the email I wrote him:
So, when I was talking to you Cassie called screaming into the phone that dad was scaring her. Then the phone went dead. I called back and dad answered, calm as a summer day saying she didn't want to go to her tutor, etc and all the while Cassie is screaming bloody murder in the background. I tell him she can't go like that, to call the tutor and tell her we'll pay her for her time next week. He said fine, so she gets her way and hangs up. After a bit I call back and get a little more of the story and tell him I'll be there in 15 minutes. Cassie greets me outside with red, tear stained face and tells me dad's laying on the floor. I said, well, did you kill him? I start looking for him and he's sprawled out on the floor near one of the flowered chairs. He says he had a carcinoid crisis* and passed out at some point but can't remember. So, I'm just wondering...does this sound normal? JK
Love, Mom
*My husband Gary has carcinoid cancer.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Update
Post wedding update:
Cassie grew to hate Missy during the wedding. Missy was a beautiful bride which was enough to invoke that feeling. She won't speak to her AT ALL. She threatened to rip up her wedding dress the night before the wedding, and to shave Missy's head while she was sleeping, dye it blue, and call her Captain Planet. Creative, yes? I think a visit from Missy and Matt where Missy isn't the focus and she can have some good experiences with Cassie will go a long way toward curing this. Anyway, it was a stressful season that lasted from November to January and Cassie, overall, fared well.
Winter has been loooooonnnnnng. Last month we bought a cottage on a lake and have been spending our weekends remodeling it and dreaming of summer. The past 2 weekends we've been reminded of the dangers of boredom. While we are hard at work, Cassie lays in bed playing games/watching movies/surfing the internet. And she complains. There's no getting her to join in. She paints for 5 minutes and she's done. We explain to her the reason she's so unhappy is because she's not doing anything, but it doesn't register enough to banish the inertia she has toward anything that could possibly be labeled 'work'. Not so different from most teenagers, I suppose, but, unlike most normal kids, there's no MAKING her do ANYTHING. I gave up that notion long ago.
Fortunately, she decided this weekend she was going to be my 'antiquing buddy'. She wants to collect Precious Moments figurines. That's great, it gives us something to bribe her with and for her to look forward to. Don't even try to follow this line of thinking if you don't have a mentally ill child. It clearly sounds permissive and unhealthy. But we do what we need to to survive.
We are finally addressing the weight issue. Putting on almost 100 pounds in an 18 month period has put her at risk for all kinds of maladies. So her psychiatrist has prescribed Zonisamide 25 mg. twice a day. She's lost 3 pounds. I intend to get on the wagon so she will follow. We have found her to be less aggressive when it comes to food, but still inclined to overeat. It won't be easy, for sure (as I well know!)
School has gone very well. We had one upset with PE...the ongoing complaints about running. Agreeing that a kid her size must have a lot of difficulty running, we communicated with the PE teacher over and over again about not making her run. We had a bit of a blow up when, after a dr. appt. where he acted appalled that they were making her do this level of physical activity and suggested we call an IEP, we shot off an email that resulted in a school meeting with PE teacher, classroom teacher, and principal. It was overkill, but it seems we all understand now that Cassie doesn't have to RUN!! This incident also served to remind us that Cassie's view of events are often very different from reality ("the teacher said if we cut a corner when we ran laps, the whole class would have to run more. I cut a corner and the class had to run more laps." Turned out to be untrue, but was her perception, nonetheless.) We want to advocate for her, but so often end up looking like overprotective teacher bashing parents. NOTE TO SELF: take Cassie's concerns to the source before forming an opinion.
Cassie grew to hate Missy during the wedding. Missy was a beautiful bride which was enough to invoke that feeling. She won't speak to her AT ALL. She threatened to rip up her wedding dress the night before the wedding, and to shave Missy's head while she was sleeping, dye it blue, and call her Captain Planet. Creative, yes? I think a visit from Missy and Matt where Missy isn't the focus and she can have some good experiences with Cassie will go a long way toward curing this. Anyway, it was a stressful season that lasted from November to January and Cassie, overall, fared well.
Winter has been loooooonnnnnng. Last month we bought a cottage on a lake and have been spending our weekends remodeling it and dreaming of summer. The past 2 weekends we've been reminded of the dangers of boredom. While we are hard at work, Cassie lays in bed playing games/watching movies/surfing the internet. And she complains. There's no getting her to join in. She paints for 5 minutes and she's done. We explain to her the reason she's so unhappy is because she's not doing anything, but it doesn't register enough to banish the inertia she has toward anything that could possibly be labeled 'work'. Not so different from most teenagers, I suppose, but, unlike most normal kids, there's no MAKING her do ANYTHING. I gave up that notion long ago.
Fortunately, she decided this weekend she was going to be my 'antiquing buddy'. She wants to collect Precious Moments figurines. That's great, it gives us something to bribe her with and for her to look forward to. Don't even try to follow this line of thinking if you don't have a mentally ill child. It clearly sounds permissive and unhealthy. But we do what we need to to survive.
We are finally addressing the weight issue. Putting on almost 100 pounds in an 18 month period has put her at risk for all kinds of maladies. So her psychiatrist has prescribed Zonisamide 25 mg. twice a day. She's lost 3 pounds. I intend to get on the wagon so she will follow. We have found her to be less aggressive when it comes to food, but still inclined to overeat. It won't be easy, for sure (as I well know!)
School has gone very well. We had one upset with PE...the ongoing complaints about running. Agreeing that a kid her size must have a lot of difficulty running, we communicated with the PE teacher over and over again about not making her run. We had a bit of a blow up when, after a dr. appt. where he acted appalled that they were making her do this level of physical activity and suggested we call an IEP, we shot off an email that resulted in a school meeting with PE teacher, classroom teacher, and principal. It was overkill, but it seems we all understand now that Cassie doesn't have to RUN!! This incident also served to remind us that Cassie's view of events are often very different from reality ("the teacher said if we cut a corner when we ran laps, the whole class would have to run more. I cut a corner and the class had to run more laps." Turned out to be untrue, but was her perception, nonetheless.) We want to advocate for her, but so often end up looking like overprotective teacher bashing parents. NOTE TO SELF: take Cassie's concerns to the source before forming an opinion.
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