As I watch the news this morning, I realize there are worse situations to be in (shootings at Fort Hood). Isn't that always the truth? I'm talking about Cassie, my youngest daughter. Cassie has an older brother and sister. She's 14, sister is 21 and brother is 23. Sister AND brother are getting married within the next 6 months. I found all this out mere weeks ago. At first I was freaked out, as you might imagine, especially since I've never met either of the people they intend to marry and I have to pull off Thanksgiving dinner for 16, help with a bridal shower, travel to another state to participate in my daughter's wedding, all before Christmas. After Christmas I'll have a houseful of guests and I get to pull off (and pay for) a reception here on January 2. Post initial freak out, I put things in perspective...after what we've been through with Cassie, this really pales in comparison. And these are happy life events, not devastating life blows.
Cassie had developmental challenges from about age 2, when her speech noticeably lagged. This discovery started the merry-go-round of evaluations, special programs, failed friendships, IEPS, etc. School happened to Cassie and she hung in there with moderate success through 5th grade. Middle school hit and with it puberty, a bad teacher, social stress, and full blown psychosis. A voice telling her to kill herself played a continuous loop in her head all day, every day. It varied from a "devil" voice, to that of her "enemies'" to her own voice. She became violent, hitting, kicking, pinching all within reach. I learned a strait jacket hold. She became someone we didn't know, someone we didn't want to know. It was terrifying. Thus began the revolving hospital admissions, 5 in all, between April 2007 and January 2009. During that time, she went through several medication changes, and the combination of varying side effects and symptoms caused her behavior to range from raving madness to drooling zombie and everything in between. Cassie suffers from schizoaffective disorder and cognitive impairment.
At present, Cassie is the best she's been in 3 years. We understand so much more and her symptoms no longer frighten us. After many attempts, we have found excellent outpatient care for her. She has begun to take responsibility for herself and her actions and, while she recognizes the fact that she has limitations, she has dreams and goals for the future. We know the good times may be but a reprieve, but we accept that and thank God for the lulls. Life, which had become a whirling vortex with Cassie at the center, has attained a new normal. The new normal is OK, even very good at times. Joy has returned, we laugh, we enjoy one another's company. The last two days, my girl got off the bus and reported she'd had a GOOD day at school!! Can't remember the last time that happened.
This is only a thumbnail sketch, obviously, and perhaps I'll go into more detail in the future. I prefer to exist in the present, and I intend to regale you with our extraordinary life challenges. As for now, I've got weddings to plan! Stay tuned! And BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE...
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