We've had a fairly rocky spring. After med adjustments, missed time at school, extra appointments, phone calls and TONS of patience, we seem to have gotten through the worst of it. And then, out of the blue a blessing appeared disguised as a geeky kid wearing a Star Wars shirt.
We've been spending as much time as possible at our cottage and it wasn't turning out to be nearly as fun and exciting as I'd hoped. EVERY weekend it rained and we found ourselves huddled around the TV in a place where we really couldn't escape from each other, it being about 1/3 the size of our home. For some reason we felt compelled to be there, even knowing the weather would keep us indoors. I started to question why we'd even bought the place to begin with.
Finally, the weather started breaking and neighbors started appearing. A few weeks after we put our boat in the water, it stopped raining long enough that we were excited to tour the lake, but then one mishap after another foiled that plan. A neighbor kindly helped Gary out with the boat and offered to take us on a ride in his pontoon. We gladly accepted.
Gary, Cassie and I spent an hour or so with our neighbor and his 13 year old son. Cassie, who had just taken her meds maybe 30 minutes prior to the invitation, was growing increasingly groggy and by the end of our trip was practically laying down on the seat. I so hoped she would talk to this boy, and figured she'd made a pretty bad first impression. "Don't mind my daughter, she's medicated" didn't seem like a proper introduction.
This weekend, this GLORIOUS, SUNNY weekend, the minute Cassie and I arrived, Gary, who had come earlier, was at our dock talking with the boy and his Grandma who had also just arrived. He had the great idea of asking the kid if he wanted to go tubing with us. He's nuts about tubing, so he came along. Cassie and he tubed together and right away started trying to knock each other off their tubes. A friendship had begun.
He found out she likes video games almost as much as he does, and that was just the clincher; he'd never known a girl who liked video games, and apparently he has mostly girl 'friends'. They spent the rest of the long weekend swimming, boating, talking, beating each other up, playing video games (much to his grandma's consternation) and just having a blast.
Anyone who parents a kid who doesn't have friends knows how painful it is to live with. Maybe particularly only children (even though Cassie isn't an only child, her siblings being grown means she lives her life most times as an only) because the loneliness can be so intense. Parents cannot take the place of peers, and should not even try. Cassie's social history has been fraught with difficulties. She'd make friends for short periods of time, during which she'd experience the high of having a new friend, followed by the low of the loss of that friend, typically not knowing why they weren't friends anymore. Perception is everything, so, while we'd try to coach Cassie through tough social situations, we could never be sure of the accuracy of her perceptions, so our advice may or may not apply.
This year, though, seems to have been a turning point in Cassie's social life. She is so desirous of having social interaction with her peers that she has really worked hard at being a good friend and has made great strides. She's maintained several friendships throughout the year, not all of them with easygoing personalities. She understands, finally, that friendship is about give and take and, though at times now she errs more on the give side than the take (as opposed to the reverse, which is what lost her most of her previous friendships), she's learning.
The most wonderful and amazing thing to me, especially in watching this latest development with Star Wars boy, is how accepting people, even 13 year-olds, can be. He just sees her as a peer, with oddities, just like him. We've had to warn Cassie against full disclosure of her illness and past experiences with new people, because those things are hard to understand and carry a great deal of stigma. Telling a new friend you hear voices probably isn't going to increase your social circle quickly. I've hated to temper Cassie that way, as she is as close to being without guile as anyone I've ever known, but this is the world we live in. If she had diabetes or asthma it would be no big deal. Maybe someday the world will view mental illness without fear, but that day hasn't yet arrived.
So, summer is definitely looking up! That is, as long as she doesn't try to turn this new friendship into a romance, which is a possibility we've warned her about. Maybe I'm jumping the gun here and one weekend does not a friendship make, but the thought of Cassie happily engaged with someone other than ME all summer is more than I could have asked for, and I'm ever so hopeful. I love being the Kool Aid mom, but hate being the center of my kids' existence. Paint me in Cassie's background, and let her friends take center stage.
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